The only way to resolve conflict is to listen to what they have to say. Until you stop thinking about yourself, your position, and what you'll say next you have no chance to resolve the conflict.
Listening is the most underrated of communication skills. People think that good listeners are great communicators and they become more interested in you.
Here are what I believe are the key behaviors that the best listeners embody:
> Let you speak, without interrupting
> Attentive body language and eye-contact
> Ask good questions
> Show empathy
> Remember and follow-up as appropriate including promised action
> Active listeners - respond to non-verbal cues; paraphrase to show they understood
To really learn the value of listening spend a day in silence paying attention to what others are saying as opposed to thinking about what you will say when they shut up. Remember, all learning takes place when you listen to the words of others.
Another useful way to frame listening is to listen to the other as you listened in a new romantic relationship.
Remember: not many people are good listeners and we feel good when people listen to us...so, make a choice, give the gift of your presence and listening whenever you can.
Comments
Jim says:
How timely. Were you watching me? Just today I choose my January Compass path: Courageous Conversations. A big part is listening and that is why I choose it.
I will keep this as my moto this month: "The only way to resolve conflict is to listen to what they have to say. "
I caught myself at least twice today having a hard time shutting my mouth to let the other person speak. You would think an introvert could do this easily, but it was I topic I was passionate about, had done my reasearch, and wanted to get moving on it.
Jim Sutton
Facilitating understanding of the digital age
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Second Life: "Jeff Oatsmill" http://slurl.com/secondlife/imagiLEARNING/24/6/21/
It's a fact, taller people sleep longer in bed.#Pun
January 11, 2010 at 6:52 PM | Permalink
Stewart says:
Jim, try an experiment...be in silence for 1/2 day and notice how much you miss because you are thinking on what you will say when they shut up as opposed to paying attention to what they are saying. Another technique...listen as you listened in a new Romantic Relationship.
January 18, 2010 at 4:19 PM | Permalink