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This week I am going to return to covering my 20 keys for resolving and preventing conflict.

In the mid 1990's I was conducting seminars on negotiation and conflict resolution for an international educational company.  Part of my job was to sell learning resources - other people's program. One of the resources for the course I was teaching was a program called "Secrets of Power Negotiating" The title made me cringe! I'm sure most of you are aware that within the world of negotiating there is a body of work around "principled negotiation" and then there is the the universe of what I would call sneaky tactics - ploys to catch the other off guard  or gain some procedural advantage.

Before selling the programs I had to listen to them so I could properly present them. As you might imagine given the title I was expecting a bunch of sharp tactics and inauthentic ploys that would help you "win." This was the opposite of what I was teaching which was how to create effective agreements that contribute to shared vision and powerful long term collaborations.

Much to my pleasant surprise the program began with the idea that

                            The most powerful negotiation tool is to find out what

                            they want and figure out a way to give it to them;

                            and get them to do the same!

That admonition has been with me since then. It reflects the following values:

                            win / win  - really

                            abundance - enough for everyone

                            creativity - figuring out how to get them what they want

                            efficiency - no hiding the ball

                            long term focus - it builds relationship

                            disclosure - no withholding information

I suggest that the next time you find yourself in a situation calling for negotiation lead by saying:

             "I want us both to win. If you tell me what you are looking for I will do my best to look at ways I can satisfy you. In return I ask you to do the same. Over time I have found this is much more productive than playing a win /lose game where we both try to hide the prize" 

 Try it - you'll like it...I guarantee it!